I think my son worked out how to get my site pointed to the blog. Just have to wait and see if, and when, Google notices that the site is no longer a source of malware. This gives me no end of delight. I had never really managed to create the site I wanted in the first place (we migrated my blog, which sort of destroyed its structure, and I never got around to fixing it all – MANUALLY), and starting from scratch here seems very appropriate for several reasons.
For one, I feel like I am finally on the road to a new life. Or, more precisely, I finally feel like I am coming into my OWN life. For the first time, EVER. No, it’s not just about relationships or the house or careers or whatever… it’s about the changes that are happening to me on an internal level, and of which I can have no idea how they might materialize in the outer world. I am not holding any expectation as to how TOMORROW might turn out, let alone how things might be for me/us in six months or a year. Everything about this shift for me is about being VERY NOW, focusing on what is right in front of me.
This blog is a hopeful reflection of that shift in my personal experience. I had started something with meaning and purpose so many years ago, and struggled to keep its intent and function pure, but had failed miserably and finally abandoned the whole project as I went through all the many levels of hell I have traversed since that time. Now, the very idea of being able to rekindle that original intent, to bring forth some of what stirs within me to others for what I hope to be their benefit, is very life-affirming to me at this time.
Just being ABLE to think about writing again gives me a feeling of HOPE that has been very elusive for me in the last few years.
Well, my old site self-destructed with gnarly malware. Just as well. I had literally not even looked at it in years. And it had never been fully developed, to begin with. I kept the domain. Everyone tells me it’s a good one and I should keep it. I giggle, because I know who had it before me – some Asian bootleg video place that had developed a reputation of sorts before I purchased the name years ago. I actually had interaction with them briefly when their previous business shenanigans were still affecting MY site. They apologized profusely, took care of business, and the site was mostly good – except for the fact that it seemed to be the strongest magnet in the universe for hackers and spammers.
It was fighting a losing battle to keep them off my forums, so I closed that portion of the site – which was a real bummer, since one of the MAIN reasons I like to run a site is for people to be able to DISCUSS things. ((sigh)) And there was no way to keep the creeps from creating accounts – which I never approved, but their stupid hacker slacker names were all in a long list I couldn’t get rid of without also getting rid of any actual humans who might be in the mix.
Finally, with all things going as intensely as they did in the time before and after my father’s death and ever since that time up until recently, my website has not been a really big priority. It lingered there in the back of my mind, but there have been more important things to address. Still are. But we have finally reached a place where I can actually BEGIN to think about writing again. And I NEED to begin thinking about writing again. Badly.
(I kept the original image that came with the theme, because it seemed so appropriate – the sun rising/setting over rough seas. That is how this era of my life feels to me. I am departing the storm, and the morning awaits.)